This is a long post, much longer than I anticipated...I got long winded on the subject. I guess I was over due to blog about this.
Back in my day ( I can't even believe I'm blogging like this...LOL), Back in my day, my parents were never around. In elementary school, they never bothered to even check if I had homework. If I had a spelling test, a dictée, a presentation, a report or any test for that matter, I would take it upon myself to prepare for it. Only in grade 7, do I remember not doing my science fair project. I wanted to test my mother...to see if she would care. Nada. I ended up in the ER the night before, overly sick from anxiety because I hadn't done my science fair project. My mother defended my cause to the principal, but never said another word to me. That was my lowest mark ever: a 60 in science that term. I am still to this day, disappointed in myself.
I never had nice school clothes. Designer for me, meant anything other than from K-Mart. Luxury items...were a pizza lunch out with my friends, a winter coat and a good pair of winter boots. I got my haircut once a year, if that.
My parents never attended parent teacher interviews, or anything to do with my school for that matter. In my school, our report cards were picked up during the evening so the teachers would get an opportunity to discuss issues with the parents. My report card was always on my desk the next morning, waiting for me. Always! My mom was never anxiously waiting at the door for me after school; "how was school?" I could of quit and my mother would of found out once the principal had gotten a hold of her.
When high school rolled around, it was pretty much the same. I was on my own. Regardless, I was still an 'A' student. I knew that education was power. I did my homework, studied and always did my best to get a good mark. I attended school without missing classes. The only time I remember skipping class was in Mrs. Fleury's Drama class when my friend Sylvie McCrea had this wonderful idea to skip class and go to the "caf." for some chocolate (hey...who could resist that?! ha ha ha). That was my first 'jail' ever and only one. I knew better. This was not the path I wished to take.
Moreover, when the group of kids I was hanging-out with, thwarted on a different path, I made new friends. Don't get me wrong. I socialized, I partied, I drank and I even tried smoking. I never tried drugs because that is where I drew the line, it was not the path that would lead me to my vision.
I had to get an after-school job as soon as I was fourteen. In order to pay for my own clothes, and school stuff. I worked everyday as much as I could.
I was high school valedictorian. My parents felt obliged (my mom anyhow) to come to my graduation. I received many scholarships for University. My first year was practically paid. I had a part-time job working cashier at the same grocery store that my mom had worked at for most of her life. When I told her I was going to quit my job in order to go to University, she was stunned. "Why would you go to University, when you have a secure job as a cashier?"
I went to University. I was an honour student.
As a mother, I vowed that I would support my children throughout their lives. I attend every school function. I have attended every parent-teacher interview there was. I volunteer for the schools. I always greet my kids with "how was your school day?" "Any homework?". I am always there to help and support. I drive them to all their extra curricular activities, and I am interested enough to stay and watch.
Our children today live in the lap of luxury. Too much. My fourteen year old son's room is huge. For starters, he has a King size bed. His room comes with a cathedral ceiling, walk-in closet, ensuite bath, computer with Internet service, television, DVD system and PlayStation 3. We could probably rent out his room for $ 150 a night! He has a cell phone, and an I-touch. He has owned three generation i-pods that are now null and void, in his mind. Whatever new gadget comes out...it's a must on his wish list. At his tender age, he has already rode a Lamborghini and a Ferrari. The life of teenagers today!
There is a fine line between spoiling your kids and loving them. There is a fine line between right and wrong. Most every parent wants nothing but the best for their children. However, what is best? Certainly not the path that these kids are going down. We are not doing them any favours. Trust me. We are actually doing the opposite and ruining the next generation. Kids today have to much, to soon. They have lost all concept of anything. The Internet, the material world...has changed everything. I have come to realize that my kids do not need 'Gucci', 'Rolex', 'Ed Hardy' etc...nice things are nice, but there needs to be a bold line drawn. My boy doesn't need $150 + jeans. They don't teach him nothing. They won't teach him the value, morals and determination one needs to succeed and live a good life.
One need only look at the teens of Hollywood to understand this concept. Our adolescence are raging with these designer duds, doing things and experiencing things that only queens and kings of our past have. The kids of today experience way too much, long before they have matured the concept of appreciation and significance. Think about it...these kids who live in a world of pedicures, manicures, fake boobs, botox, and designer duds without any concept of work, will be leading our planet very soon. That is scary! Our kids are in crisis mode. The only thing they equate to happiness is a material item...the newest, shiniest most expensive item. Have we lost our marbles? We need to let kids be kids. Moreover, let's not even touch the subject of teens, sex and drugs. They are however all linked. The easy, crazy life.
I once had the brilliant idea of paying Diodato to do chores around the house. After all, it would be good for him to earn his own money, and learn the value of a good dollar. It worked really well until my hubby got involved. He offered to pay him one hundred bucks ($100!) to shovel the driveway. WHAT?! Insane!
So I changed the course of that. Diodato and Carmelo now do chores around the house because they are part of the family, and that's what we do...we take care of our familial home. At first, I was met with alot of 'ah... this sucks...' etc....Now, they just do it. Diodato is in charge of garbage, and garbage day. He is in charge of bringing-up the folded laundry for me, setting the table and some days emptying the dishwasher. Carmelo is in charge of shoes at the door, toys lying around, setting the table and helping to clear the table after dinner.
I have found that they have a greater appreciation of our home, and the work that needs to be done to be proud of our family. I also have cut back on gifts and buying such. In the past, I would rush out and buy them the newest game counsel, their favourite game and all the attachments for example. Their Christmas list could be a mile long. Now, we always wait for a special occasion like birthdays, great report cards and such to purchase any gift. Moreover, if they want something extra, they must earn it by doing extra chores around the home, and I don't pay a hundred dollars either! At Christmas, their list are down to three items, and if they wish to ask Santa for a big item, than only one thing is to be asked.
My boys are good boys. Diodato is heading into his 'rough' years of adolescence. He is fourteen now. He is a good kid, with a great heart. That is something that has not changed, thankfully over the years. Every teacher who has ever taught him, has fallen in love with him.
Last night we attended parent-teacher interviews. Diodato aspires to become an engineer. Something, we strongly support him with. He is intelligent, however not driven. Motivation and lack thereof has always been an issue for him. The easy way...always. Who can blame him? It's been his way of life all along. Easy, simple and anything he wants at his finger tips.
He once told me during one of my 'this is what it was like for me' speeches that he was going to go into hairdressing and work for the family's business'. My hubby and his family have surely been successful, and we graciously reap the rewards of that. Nevertheless, it is not an option for him. University first...then you will have the family's business to fall back on.
Another time, he announced that he would take a year off after Grade 12 to weigh out his options! Um mm...what options? Another easy way out, certainly!
His grades are pretty good. He is a B student. But, not to his full potential, which is greatly frustrating and disappointing as a parent. Watching your kid throw away opportunity is not easy. For us, as parents, we have done all that we can. We are here to help him with his homework (his school bag has been empty for most of the semester! EMPTY!!!), help him prepare for oral presentations, tests etc...Maybe that is the issue.
So last night, after much pondering, we sat down and had a discussion with him. We went over the usual:
"...we never had it so easy....our parents never cared...blah blah blah. Nonetheless, we then turned a different root:
He is responsible for his grades, and everything else. We won't badger him for getting an 83% in Math IF we see him doing work and trying his best. Nevertheless, we will badger and take action accordingly when he gets an 83% with no effort, because his potential is thrown away. The consequences? We will begin taking away his privileges, starting with the computer than the TV, the I-touch and go down the list accordingly. We came upon an agreement of such.
We can talk until we're blue in the face about the insignificance of the "I-Touch" generation, and all the luxury that comes with it. In the end, I just have to back my words and beliefs with action. Somewhere, somehow we must find the middle ground. The perfect balance between loving our children, spoiling them slightly all the while teaching them the grounds to turn them into amazing, successful adults. These days the task is getting more and more difficult. Our last resort will be tough love...and we just will have to pretend to no longer care.
