Almost one week has passed since I've been diagnosed as having an incisional hernia. It's actually been quite painful. I feel so distorted!

When it rains it pours. My sister had surgery yesterday. My two year old is also looking at having surgery. We have an appointment with a children's surgeon on Tuesday. So things have been rough.

I've been slightly non-chalant and certainly not my happy self. It's okay though. Unhappy Kim has to come out once in awhile. So, I'll let her rant. Then I'll fix her!

Unfortunately, I have not been able to go to the gym. I'm not supposed to go, but I told myself that I would go and just walk gently on the treadmill. Didn't happen. I've been in quite some pain. So I made the mistake of stepping on the scale; 5 lbs! I gained 5lbs! In ONE week! My trainer, who is wonderful emotional support feels that it's most likely hernia related. It seems to have doubled in size since my doctor attempted to push it in. I can't excuse the weight gain though. Times like these I hate my body! It stores fat faster than a rabbit on Viagra producing offspring!

I've been in a slump! I really think I'm just destined to be overweight. I mean what good would a jolly gal like me be; thin? The two just don't go together! It's just to hard and complicated to keep going like this. Times like these: I hate being the nice, kind and happy girl!!!

Everything came to a head the other night. We had just found out there was an abnormality in my little guy's testicle. I came home and had a shower. My two year old decided he wanted to renovate his room; every book was off his bookshelf and almost every piece of clothing out of his drawers. My hair was half done. My thirteen year old and seven year old were arguing. The energy of the house was heavy, red and angry! When my hubby arrived home from work, all heck had broken loose. I was feverishly cooking and slamming everything. No love going into dinner that night. I looked like I had just been hit by a bus! "What happened to you?" Well, let me tell ya boys, if your wife is having a bad day; that's the worst line you could say!

So I went up to my room just to gather my thoughts and compose myself. My hubby followed as my behaviour was unusual. I started venting. Thinking back, I must of been extremely hormonal! So he laid beside me trying to be kind; "what can I do to make this better?". Thinking he was going to get 'lucky'...( I mean men can be so dumb. I'm having an emotional break down and he thinks he can fix it with sex???) "You know what will maaaaaaaaake me feel better?" as I burst into tears. Through the tears he smiled; "tell me?" "Boots! I need new boots! I want some UGGS!"

As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, I couldn't help but laugh! Kimmy was back! Thankfully for the sanity of my family!

In retrospective, we all have bad days. It's okay. You know there's always someone out there who's having a worse day than you. So I took a deep breath, and for some odd reason decided to check my email. There waiting was a message from a good friend of mine who's sister has been battling cancer. She wanted to drop me a line, letting me know that her sister was on her final journey to Elizabeth Bruyère a palliative care hospital. Here I was wallowing in self-pity because I won't be able to train and attempt to lose weight for maybe three months, and this young mother of two was saying good-bye. She wasn't crying because she wouldn't be able to 'train'. She was crying because she doesn't know how many days she has left to be with her family. Wow! The universe sure brought it all into perspective! Shame on me!

At least for me, in a few months, I'll be back at cursing the gym. But, for a brave young mother, she may not get to see Christmas 2008.

I'm feeling a bit better. I know that I am very blessed. My sister will make a full recovery. I will have my surgery and be back on track soon enough. My little two year old is resilient and all will work-out for him also. Everything happens for a reason. Lessons are important to learn. Life is sometimes unfair and not easy. When life gives you lemons, make some lemonade and think of those who are worse off. My Uggs arrive next week!