A Brick Wall...:(

A Brick Wall

Yesterday, I hit a brick wall. I hit the wall and the everything seemed to cave in....
My training session was booked for my regular 4 pm appointment. The day before I had cancelled my appointment, for reasons I didn't know. I just did it. Wednesday, I felt weird.
So I called my trainer up and 'un-cancelled'.
When I walked in the gym, I spotted my trainer in his street clothes. He looked defeated. He turned and looked at me, sadness surrounded him like a thick cloud. I approached him. "I have bad news..." is all I can remember hearing. I stopped breathing.
"They let me go today." I still couldn't breathe. "I will train with you today, on my own...because you are here." Okay. I went to the change room to get my running shoes on.
I started to breathe but irradically. I started to sweat. I could feel my pulse, it felt as though my heart was pounding out of my chest. Time was passing by slowly... it felt like a nightmare.
A million thoughts were swarming through my head. What am I going to do now? Even though I was always complaining about how uncomfortable I was...I was very comfortable. After all...I had gotten over the leg holding thing! He guided me to lose 20 lbs and 15 inches! We talked about everything from weight loss, nutrition to even day to day stuff. I can't believe this? How am I supposed to train with him today? I'm so sad. I loved my trainer. Why? How am I supposed to go out there and train? I just want to sit with him and make an action plan. Who am I going to train with now? I have to start ALL over again!!!! I take a deep breath and head out to see him. I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart. I look into his eyes, and he looks like he has just lost his best friend.
His manager instructs me to go on the treadmill and warm-up. People are staring. They know what has just happened. I find out that he has been let go because he has not generated enough clientel. The gym is very strict and puts alot of pressure on their employees, I am told. My trainer was a fantastic trainer, but couldn't make the sales pitch.
I'm warming-up on the treadmill. I feel like a schoolgirl. This is horrible. The whole way it's going down. My trainer is talking with his manager. Then he walks over and says: "they won't let me stay and train with you...I have been instructed to leave." I look at him dumbfounded and stop the treadmill. I'm leaving too...
As I'm walking out...the manager pulls me aside. He wants to talk with me. "Did you have a chance to look at our board and choose another trainer?" as he smiles. EFF!!! I'm not buying a pair of shoes here!!! It's a trainer. Someone who will get to know me. Appreciate my story. Know when to push me, when to stop pushing. What my strengths are. What my weakness' are. Someone who I will feel comfortable with. Someone who I don't mind wiping my sweat away. Your personal trainer becomes a trusted friend. Someone you rely on to help you on this difficult journey...someone you need. My personal trainer cannot be replaced. Now I am PISSED. How disrespectful!
I tell him that I need to think about what I'm going to do next. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot my trainer. He walked back into the gym. He forgot some stuff in his locker. He gets an escort into the locker room. Wow, he's being treated like a criminal. I am left standing there. My trainer walks by me and utters: "good luck, thanks for everything...bye' My eyes tear-up. Are you kidding me? This is the worst...
So the manager is happy to tell me that there are alot of better trainers at their gym then my trainer. He seems quite annoyed by my reaction. I guess my face tells the story. I can't even think straight. I'm asking the heaven's for the words...the courage...anything! "Don't let this stop you from your goal, we have excellent trainers here... try someone new...there are far better trainers than Ilker!" Suffice to say, I'm sure...but I really connected with Ilker. I'm not ready for change. Most importantly, I'm not happy with how things just went down right now. This is totally unprofessional. It was humiliating and embarrassing. It was uncalled for and unjust. Furthermore, I DIDN'T GET TO TRAIN TODAY! This gym is no hoky establishement. It is an organized franchised gym. What the eff? Is this how things work around here??? My parachute won't open. I'm dumbfounded and lost. I try to defend my trainer. But, to no avail. I refuse to choose a new one. It is a betrayal, especially after what I have just witnessed. I walk-out of the gym, extremely sad and lost. I don't know what I'm going to do...I have hit a major brick wall.


"Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things. They are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough." - Randy Pausch (1960-2008)