Letter to Oprah Winfrey

Dear Oprah,

I know exactly where you are coming from! I cannot express to you enough how much of a breath of fresh air your article has been for me.

In 2003, I reached my goal weight and lost a total of 100 lbs. I thought the weight was gone for good. I was originally inspired by Bob Green and one of your weight loss episodes. I was contacted by one of your researchers to maybe appear on your show. It never happened. But, just the calls and emails was success enough for me! I too thought I was out of the woods with this fat problem!

My weight gain (again) is a long story...but I gained 80 lbs of the 100. Oprah, gaining the weight back was so depressing. I was so angry at myself. I could hear the murmurs and feel the glances. I couldn't believe I did it again! How could I? What was I thinking? I should of stopped when I had gained 10lbs back. How did it get so out of control again? Getting into that 200 lb club AGAIN was the lowest of lows! I will never forget that moment. The moment I realized: I was fat again.

This spring I decided to get back on the wagon. I started working-out, weight training and doing yoga. I felt so alive again. To date, I had lost 35 lbs. I was on a roll! I immersed myself and my family in a healthier lifestyle. This time, I was going to conquer the battle of the bulge. I even started blogging about it, and created a website to help inspire others too. I also worked on finishing that book I had started writing so many moons ago during my first weight loss journey. I felt that this time the book would be completed, and I would reach that goal. This time I would focus on maintaining.

Unfortunately, after missing the gym for a few days due to some abnormal cramping, I received the news that I had an incisional hernia created by my 3rd c-section. No work-out allowed. Nothing. Nada. Not even yoga! I felt like I had gotten the rug pulled out from under me. Surgery would be required, but not until February 2009. What was I going to do now? I was destined to be fat forever!

Then, my 2 year old was diagnosed with undescended testicles. He is awaiting surgery as soon as the holidays pass. In addition, my 7 year old was also diagnosed with another tesiticular issue. We are awaiting his battery of tests to see what procedure will be taken for him. Next my beloved cat of 14 years passed away. Everything came all at once. Our entire family was overwhelmed with grief, sadness and frustration to say the least. All of this threw me for an emotional tail spin.

I couldn't work-out and my plate was overloaded with emotional upheaval. I turned to food. I have gained 5 lbs back of the 35 lbs I had lost. So now I have to lose 50lbs. I was so close to being in the 100 lb club! I feel like such a failure because I've left all my blog readers in limbo. I seriously thought I was back on track. Then I realized perhaps: I had fooled myself.

How could I be an inspiration myself; if I fell off the wagon AGAIN!? Who was I to preach to others about lifestyle changes etc...if I couldn't even follow them myself? I have been in this downward limbo for about a month. It's not good. I don't want to gain all the weight back. At the same time, I feel awful!

Your article inspired me Oprah! I understand the journey completely! When you said: "authentic change doesn't come easy, but with self-awareness, mindfulness, and guts, it actually does come." You hit the nail on the head! It's time for all of us to live life, the ups and the downs. It's time to focus on the whole; with us included. Change is never easy, change is a journey and perhaps gaining back the weight was our journey. Now it's time to journey to a healthier 2009.

I look forward to your return in January. I'm climbing back on that wagon with you! This time, I'm strapping myself in forever!

2009 will be a year of positive change! Cheers to us!