Here is an excerpt of the book I highly recommend. This week, hopefully I will have more time to blog about my 'AHA' moments and breakthrough's.
Until then, I wish you wellness!
http://www.oprah.com/health/An-Excerpt-from-Geneen-Roths-Women-Food-And-God
Monday, May 17, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Wisdom from Jillian Michaels
Hey Everyone!
Start the weekend off right, with some wisdom from the great Jillian Michaels.
http://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/real-life/inner-you/rodale-article.aspx?cp-documentid=24218952
Start the weekend off right, with some wisdom from the great Jillian Michaels.
http://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/real-life/inner-you/rodale-article.aspx?cp-documentid=24218952
Thursday, May 6, 2010
I Caved!!
BLAHHHHHH!!!!!
I finally caved, gave my rings to my hubby and had him bring them to the jewelers to have them re-sized. I had been hinting for so long, but deep down I didn't want them sized up. However, after nearly five years of being seen as a 'single Mom', it was time for my beautiful rings to be put back on. So Tony mentioned it again and offered to bring them in...and I handed him the platinum.
I'll be very honest, because that is what my blog is intended for: raw truth. After he left, I laid on my bed and cried. It was one of my long time goals; to have my rings fit me again. But, let's be honest...after five years, my diamonds are made to be worn, and not stored in a safe. It is what it is...and chocolate is my ENEMY!
Nonetheless, don't be fooled...I'm back to smiling (on the outside anyhow!).
The Universe never let's me down for too long though...lol (A Surprise Diamond upgrade would make me feel WAY better...!)
Nevertheless, I attended an open house at my son's school yesterday, a woman from my son's class came up to me randomly and thanked me for this blog. Cheers to you..."P's Mom". She said to me: "a woman I know well, recommended your blog to me to read about your struggle ( that's for sure!) with weight loss and how inspiring you are...I recognized it as being you when I read about Carmelo (the one and only!)...your blog is a wonderful read and such an inspiration (really?!)".
Yes, I do write to de-stress myself. Writing is extremely therapeutic for me. In addition, my wish is to inspire others because we all struggle with our body image, our family responsibilities, our marriages, our journeys, and with life in general. I love to share, learn and hearten. In return, I am the one that is inspired. Thank you!
So what have I been doing as of late? RUNNING!!! Fat girl runs! ha ha ha ( I know, not supposed to say that...!) I ran 3.5 km the other day on my treadmill and it felt AMAZING! I love running (am I trying to run from something?!). Then my sister came for a random visit...and my work-outs stopped and eating began. Gosh, I am so an emotional eater. HOWEVER, I was more controlled.
I am more in control of my eating because I am reading a FANTASTIC book. I have recommend it before, now I HIGHLY recommend it.
"Women Food and God" by Geneen Roth
I am reading it slowly, and doing some internal cleansing. I have to say, that it's like peeling an onion layer by layer. Years, and years of emotional baggage and stuff. The AHA moments are striking faster than I can read the words. More importantly, I have changed the way I view food, and the way I eat. It's very difficult to explain in words. But, I do know that I feel so FREE. I am so liberated, and by that I do not mean that I am gorging myself with food with a 'who cares attitude'. Not at all, it's like a huge grey cloud that has been hanging over me since I was 10 and realized I was chubby (thanks to my grandmother!) The grey cloud titled "DIET" is gone. When I eat, I have no guilt, and don't struggle. I ended a war with food, and all that is associated with it. Surprisingly, I am making great choices, drinking water and treating my body well. I appreciate my body more, and look at myself in a whole new light (aside from the rings incident...lol). It's like these chains that have been choking me for so many years are gone. I can breathe. I cannot emphasize enough about this book. There is something to it...and it's not a religious book at all. Nonetheless, run out and buy it!
You know there is something to be said for letting go. It is such a liberating feeling. Amazing things happen when you let go. I have found a new strength within me (along with a challenge/competition and a Starbucks win...with my friend C (who's a HUGE inspiration)! Part of that was also handing my rings over to be fitted. I am more than diamond rings that I wore when I lost 100 lbs, had to take them off when I gained it back and hoping to lose it again to re-wear them. So I let that go too (with a few tears...)
I hope you will treat yourself to the book, and experience the same enlightening growth that I am experiencing.
Be well (and go get the book!),
I finally caved, gave my rings to my hubby and had him bring them to the jewelers to have them re-sized. I had been hinting for so long, but deep down I didn't want them sized up. However, after nearly five years of being seen as a 'single Mom', it was time for my beautiful rings to be put back on. So Tony mentioned it again and offered to bring them in...and I handed him the platinum.
I'll be very honest, because that is what my blog is intended for: raw truth. After he left, I laid on my bed and cried. It was one of my long time goals; to have my rings fit me again. But, let's be honest...after five years, my diamonds are made to be worn, and not stored in a safe. It is what it is...and chocolate is my ENEMY!
Nonetheless, don't be fooled...I'm back to smiling (on the outside anyhow!).
The Universe never let's me down for too long though...lol (A Surprise Diamond upgrade would make me feel WAY better...!)
Nevertheless, I attended an open house at my son's school yesterday, a woman from my son's class came up to me randomly and thanked me for this blog. Cheers to you..."P's Mom". She said to me: "a woman I know well, recommended your blog to me to read about your struggle ( that's for sure!) with weight loss and how inspiring you are...I recognized it as being you when I read about Carmelo (the one and only!)...your blog is a wonderful read and such an inspiration (really?!)".
Yes, I do write to de-stress myself. Writing is extremely therapeutic for me. In addition, my wish is to inspire others because we all struggle with our body image, our family responsibilities, our marriages, our journeys, and with life in general. I love to share, learn and hearten. In return, I am the one that is inspired. Thank you!
So what have I been doing as of late? RUNNING!!! Fat girl runs! ha ha ha ( I know, not supposed to say that...!) I ran 3.5 km the other day on my treadmill and it felt AMAZING! I love running (am I trying to run from something?!). Then my sister came for a random visit...and my work-outs stopped and eating began. Gosh, I am so an emotional eater. HOWEVER, I was more controlled.
I am more in control of my eating because I am reading a FANTASTIC book. I have recommend it before, now I HIGHLY recommend it.
"Women Food and God" by Geneen Roth
I am reading it slowly, and doing some internal cleansing. I have to say, that it's like peeling an onion layer by layer. Years, and years of emotional baggage and stuff. The AHA moments are striking faster than I can read the words. More importantly, I have changed the way I view food, and the way I eat. It's very difficult to explain in words. But, I do know that I feel so FREE. I am so liberated, and by that I do not mean that I am gorging myself with food with a 'who cares attitude'. Not at all, it's like a huge grey cloud that has been hanging over me since I was 10 and realized I was chubby (thanks to my grandmother!) The grey cloud titled "DIET" is gone. When I eat, I have no guilt, and don't struggle. I ended a war with food, and all that is associated with it. Surprisingly, I am making great choices, drinking water and treating my body well. I appreciate my body more, and look at myself in a whole new light (aside from the rings incident...lol). It's like these chains that have been choking me for so many years are gone. I can breathe. I cannot emphasize enough about this book. There is something to it...and it's not a religious book at all. Nonetheless, run out and buy it!
You know there is something to be said for letting go. It is such a liberating feeling. Amazing things happen when you let go. I have found a new strength within me (along with a challenge/competition and a Starbucks win...with my friend C (who's a HUGE inspiration)! Part of that was also handing my rings over to be fitted. I am more than diamond rings that I wore when I lost 100 lbs, had to take them off when I gained it back and hoping to lose it again to re-wear them. So I let that go too (with a few tears...)
I hope you will treat yourself to the book, and experience the same enlightening growth that I am experiencing.
Be well (and go get the book!),
Thursday, April 29, 2010
An Awakening Dream
Last night, I had a strange dream. In my dream, it was war time and I like many others who managed to escape, we found ourselves in hiding.
There were about fifty of us...all clustered on a cold damp floor in the basement of an old abandoned building. I had a young boy with me, and my understanding was that my husband was murdered.
There huddled on the floor, there was nothing for us to do but to sleep and pray that we not be discovered, or bombed. We were all lined up on clothes, old bed sheets, towels, boxes or anything we could manage to salvage with us during our getaway.
Many of us, found each other here...hoping it would be a safe haven. Mothers tried to quiet
their babies, elders sighed heavily...not a word spoken to each other. The air was thick, cold and damp. There was a smell that lingered amongst us, a scent I have never experienced in this lifetime, and hope to never endure. The stench of death seemed to follow us everywhere. Our lives hung in the balance between living like animals, and being killed like beasts. We weren't living, but merely surviving between each breath.
Even in my dreamlike state, I knew we were all desperate, dreaming of our lives long gone. Hoping to survive, or at least protect our loved one's from the fate that awaited us all. Planes flew low over head, children began to whimper, and we all knew our time was limited, there was no where to hide, and nobody to save us...an alarm rang.
As I brushed my hand over my alarm clock, I felt an immediate sense of gratitude...for it was only a dream. Here tucked in my king size bed with oversize duvet and high thread count sheets,the sun shown down me as I opened my eyes to another day of my life. In those few moments, I felt with all my being...that even though we sense gratitude...we do not fully know the fortune of our lives today.
The alarm rang, but today I did not feel despair at having to get out of bed. I felt happiness, that I can get up, make noise without fear of execution. I felt warm as my feet touched the warm floor beneath me, and not a cold, molded cement floor. I awoke my son, feeling happy that he can go to school and learn what he wants, and not what someone else dictates he should learn.
I then went down the stairs, opened the cupboards overloaded with healthy food, gratitude filled my heart, I have the means to feed my children so they can grow strong and healthy. I packed his lunch and felt fortunate to be able to make him such a delicious meal that he will enjoy in
the company of his friends and peers.
He came down for breakfast, and I smiled at him with a good morning, for in our world...it is.
I then poured myself a coffee...the woman in my dream could only imagine a morning such as this...taken away from her through violence, and oppression. As I sipped my coffee and looked around me, we truly have so much to be grateful for. A plane flew over my house, and I realized it was travelers moving along their day too.
We take our wonderful lives for granted. No matter how mundane our lives may seem, we live, we breathe, we eat, and we move,
we speak, we sing and we dance. We are free.
I reflected upon my dream a little more before the rest of my day would move on...my heart filled with mixed emotions. How lucky I am today to be where I am...
I hope to change the way I perceive myself, my life and my experiences. I have a chance to make life count...my weight, my past, my insecurities, the negative around me, other people's words, choices etc...it's all irrelevant. I have a glorious life...with a husband who loves me, handsome, healthy children, supportive friends and family, food, shelter etc...most importantly, unlike the woman in my dream...I have the opportunity to live it.
Today, I was awakened by a dream...and I can only feel true gratefulness!
There were about fifty of us...all clustered on a cold damp floor in the basement of an old abandoned building. I had a young boy with me, and my understanding was that my husband was murdered.
There huddled on the floor, there was nothing for us to do but to sleep and pray that we not be discovered, or bombed. We were all lined up on clothes, old bed sheets, towels, boxes or anything we could manage to salvage with us during our getaway.
Many of us, found each other here...hoping it would be a safe haven. Mothers tried to quiet
their babies, elders sighed heavily...not a word spoken to each other. The air was thick, cold and damp. There was a smell that lingered amongst us, a scent I have never experienced in this lifetime, and hope to never endure. The stench of death seemed to follow us everywhere. Our lives hung in the balance between living like animals, and being killed like beasts. We weren't living, but merely surviving between each breath.
Even in my dreamlike state, I knew we were all desperate, dreaming of our lives long gone. Hoping to survive, or at least protect our loved one's from the fate that awaited us all. Planes flew low over head, children began to whimper, and we all knew our time was limited, there was no where to hide, and nobody to save us...an alarm rang.
As I brushed my hand over my alarm clock, I felt an immediate sense of gratitude...for it was only a dream. Here tucked in my king size bed with oversize duvet and high thread count sheets,the sun shown down me as I opened my eyes to another day of my life. In those few moments, I felt with all my being...that even though we sense gratitude...we do not fully know the fortune of our lives today.
The alarm rang, but today I did not feel despair at having to get out of bed. I felt happiness, that I can get up, make noise without fear of execution. I felt warm as my feet touched the warm floor beneath me, and not a cold, molded cement floor. I awoke my son, feeling happy that he can go to school and learn what he wants, and not what someone else dictates he should learn.
I then went down the stairs, opened the cupboards overloaded with healthy food, gratitude filled my heart, I have the means to feed my children so they can grow strong and healthy. I packed his lunch and felt fortunate to be able to make him such a delicious meal that he will enjoy in
the company of his friends and peers.
He came down for breakfast, and I smiled at him with a good morning, for in our world...it is.
I then poured myself a coffee...the woman in my dream could only imagine a morning such as this...taken away from her through violence, and oppression. As I sipped my coffee and looked around me, we truly have so much to be grateful for. A plane flew over my house, and I realized it was travelers moving along their day too.
We take our wonderful lives for granted. No matter how mundane our lives may seem, we live, we breathe, we eat, and we move,
we speak, we sing and we dance. We are free.
I reflected upon my dream a little more before the rest of my day would move on...my heart filled with mixed emotions. How lucky I am today to be where I am...
I hope to change the way I perceive myself, my life and my experiences. I have a chance to make life count...my weight, my past, my insecurities, the negative around me, other people's words, choices etc...it's all irrelevant. I have a glorious life...with a husband who loves me, handsome, healthy children, supportive friends and family, food, shelter etc...most importantly, unlike the woman in my dream...I have the opportunity to live it.
Today, I was awakened by a dream...and I can only feel true gratefulness!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
My Relationship with Chocolate
Easter was four days ago. I've now eaten at least five 1 lb chocolate rabbits. I say at least because I didn't count. I've eaten and eaten chocolate like I was on a mission. I hate chocolate for what it has done to me...yet my mouth waters at the thought of it. I'm addicted.
Yesterday, as I pounded through another rabbit, my oldest Diodato looked at me and said: "Mom, stop eating the chocolate because tomorrow you are going to cry that you go to the gym for nothing, because you never lose weight anyhow. Look at yourself!" Aha!
He was right. I still finished more chocolate, because now I felt depressed, and defiant. When the sugar rush set in, and I couldn't eat anymore, I looked over the left over wrapper and thought to myself 'I love chocolate, but look what it has done to me...it doesn't love me back."
Yesterday, as I pounded through another rabbit, my oldest Diodato looked at me and said: "Mom, stop eating the chocolate because tomorrow you are going to cry that you go to the gym for nothing, because you never lose weight anyhow. Look at yourself!" Aha!
He was right. I still finished more chocolate, because now I felt depressed, and defiant. When the sugar rush set in, and I couldn't eat anymore, I looked over the left over wrapper and thought to myself 'I love chocolate, but look what it has done to me...it doesn't love me back."
Then I felt sorry for myself.
- I can't wear my wedding rings because I'm fat.
- My boys have a fat mother.
- I have no swag because I'm fat.
- I'm always the girl with the pretty face because I'm fat.
- I can't wear nice clothes because I'm fat.
- I can't run the marathon I've dreamed of running because I'm fat.
- I'm fat, I'm fat, because I'm fat.
Chocolate made me fat and still I nourish it with every bite.
Really, it's the story of my life. I give everything I have...even to those who have wronged me.
Chocolate. I love it. My relationship with chocolate began at a very young age. Alone, most of the time growing-up, chocolate was my friend, it comforted me. It made me happy. It made me feel warm and loved.
I was always the girl with chocolate to share. Most of my friends hung around with me because I was the girl with the junk food. I didn't know better. Hey, if you didn't teach your kids about nutrition, what would they eat? Candy, chocolate, soda etc...was always at my disposal. Nobody to tell me enough was enough. Only my body when I would eat so much that it would make me sick.
My most vivid memory of my chocolate obsession was when my paternal grand-mother passed, I was 12 years old. I baked a chocolate cake for the after funeral luncheon. However, I ate it all by myself instead. Then I recall, my first break-up with Alan B., a boy I had fallen head over heels in love with in Grade 11, and my first real boyfriend. He was so handsome (and still is), and so kind. The break-up shook me, I felt abandoned. Chocolate comforted me...and my weight began to pile back on. In 2004, when my marital problems came to surface, I tried to fight it with Nutella, but it wasn't enough and chocolate once again won me over.
So it is, my relationship with chocolate helped me through some rough times. It created some even worse moments for me, because being overweight is hell.
I have now decided to give up my relationship with chocolate. I'm sick of looking at myself, and must realize that eating chocolate makes me feel worse, not better. I am so worth the two second moment of comfort it brings to me...so much more worth it!
I am breaking-up with chocolate!!!!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
A Case of Facebook Mistaken Identity
I know I've blogged in the past about how I am a Facebook fraud. There are no full photos of me, only my face or photos of me hiding behind someone, and I must approve of ALL my tagged photos before hand. I've deleted, and un-tagged myself in at least a million photos, by now.
The other day, I posted the above photo as my profile photo. It is of my niece Jessica, who was embarking on a huge new chapter of her life. I wanted to send her some love, light and courage during the transition. Many thought it was me...
I got compliments on the photo "wow, you look gorgeous!", one of my long time friends from elementary school even went as far as calling another friend "Kim, lost a ton of weight? She looks smoking hot in that photo!". My friend then checked the photo, "impossible, I just seen her three weeks ago...must be an old photo of her". How embarrassing!!!!!
At first, I laughed it off...but then reality set in. I felt very ashamed, and realized that people see me...as FAT. How depressing!
Nevertheless, optimism quickly took over (thanks to my Hubby)...even though I'm big...I still am gorgeous and smoking hot! LOL
Who am I kidding?! I'm going to get there....I just have to.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Spontaneous Surprise
My hubby came home yesterday with a spontaneous surprise gift for me. It was random, I didn't expect that at all and it made my day, my week and my month. My husband is so good to me. I am so lucky!
He went on his own to Lululemon Athletica and bought me a lululemon hoodie. What is even more surprising, he normally loves me wearing blue (his favourite colour), but opted to buy me a pink one just because he knew I would love it.
Moreover, I was just there the other day to purchase myself a new gym bag (love the new totes!), some yoga pants and a few tops. He felt I could use a hoodie to go along with it all, so he secretly went out yesterday to purchase me one...just because.
I love my hoodie, I love it more because he made the effort to go buy it for me, and picked it out himself. Thank you, Tony! MWAHHHHHHH!!!!
He went on his own to Lululemon Athletica and bought me a lululemon hoodie. What is even more surprising, he normally loves me wearing blue (his favourite colour), but opted to buy me a pink one just because he knew I would love it.
Moreover, I was just there the other day to purchase myself a new gym bag (love the new totes!), some yoga pants and a few tops. He felt I could use a hoodie to go along with it all, so he secretly went out yesterday to purchase me one...just because.
I love my hoodie, I love it more because he made the effort to go buy it for me, and picked it out himself. Thank you, Tony! MWAHHHHHHH!!!!
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