A Lesson in Time...Life is to Short to be too Busy to Care for Myself!

I wanted to post these two photos. The first taken in May 2009 after my surgery and just before I began my journey to a new/healthier me. The next photo taken with my boys a few weeks ago while on vacation in Mont Tremblant. Although I am kind of hidden in the second photograph, I can still see in my face, and my energy that I am surely on the right path and doing the right thing. A reminder that however life gets busy, crazy or hectic...living right is essential! Life is to short to be too busy to care for myself!

Last night, when the children were in bed, the house quiet and dark, I sat at the computer and re-read my blog post. I realized that we are all busy people. We all have our own lives to live and most of us are getting by. It is reality. It is life.

However, this is the lesson we who are on this healthy lifestyle journey must learn in order to be successful this time. Life is busy and will always be as such. What is crucial is that we learn to cope and be prepared. We must be strong and disciplined. Balance is essential. Life is busy, it's how we deal with it that helps us to survive and succeed at our goals.

Getting by with a glass of water here, a short work-out there, and a quick bite to eat on the go...is what got me back in this mess in the first place. Making time, and just not 'time': QUALITY TIME, is imperative! There are no if's and's or but's about it. I must learn to go with the flow. Sure a work-out missed here and there is acceptable. Sure a bite on the go, once in awhile is okay. But, the shortfall is that soon it becomes the norm because life is busy as such on most days.

Think of this: when was the last time you woke-up and actually had NOTHING, NADA to do but work-out, drink water and eat right? For me, that is NEVER. What I need now is to organize my time, and make strong affirmations to myself and the journey. I must be prepared for the busy times.

Keeping my fridge stocked with fresh fruit, vegies, chicken and other lean meats is key. Having snacks ready for me when I'm on the run is also crucial. Making a point of drinking as much water as I can is also important. I must make the effort no matter how 'busy' life gets. In addition, I must organize my time and set me time for training and exercising. Whatever happens, happens...but in order for me to sustain life, I must make time and everything else can wait. As a matter of fact, I'm missing training these days because of the everything. Even though I am power walking with the girls at night. I know that I need to weight train. I actually miss it!

School is starting soon, and hopefully it will ease up around here. Until then, I am prepared and continue on my journey accordingly. Life is to short to be too busy to care for myself!

(P.S...Tony stepped on the scale this a.m. and is down 2 pounds and is in another weight number! YOUPPIE for him!!!!)

:>

As I previously posted about my 'blah' day, I did manage to get to the gym, get in a 30 minute cardio session and a tan. Not bad for an 'off' day. Our trainer also came by to go over our new meal plan and training. I'm pumped. I'm so looking forward to being in onederland again, and wearing my wedding rings. This is my ultimate goal.

I haven't worn them for four years now. I miss them soooooooo much but I REFUSE to have them fitted yet again. The last time I wore them I was 190 lbs. That is what I'm reaching for (for now...and then my goal weight: 160 lbs). That will be a happy happy day. I don't mind at all to have them sized down again...but to make them bigger is just humiliating. So I have refused to wear them...until they fit again. Sadly, too since Tony had bought me a gorgeous five diamond anniversary ring for our anniversary a few years ago. I was three months pregnant at the time and the five diamonds symbolized our family of five united. So of course, once the pregnancy progressed and I got pudgy...the rings had to come off. That was the end of that. They've all been stored since :<...Perhaps, I should just hang them on the fridge as a gentle reminder! BLAH! ( I posted a photo of my engagement ring...ah...one day soon she'll be adorning my finger again!)

Anyhow, I've had an awesome work-out week! YAHOOOO...We are Friday today...so this has been my week:

Sunday: Elliptical 30 minutes

Monday: Walk and Yoga

Tuesday: Treadmill: 35 minutes

Wednesday: Walk

Thursday: Treadmill 35 minutes

Friday: Treadmill 40 minutes/Training with Tony

Tonight, Tony and I have a date to start our new training routine. I'm looking forward to it...(I think).

Eating has been good too. Monday we start our new meal plan as set-out by Rob (http://www.laganafitness.com/). I'm a little afraid since all the planning, cooking etc...is falling on my shoulders. Not that it always doesn't. I just have to make sure that I have all the ingredients always in stock. Plus, make certain Tony has his lunch made and ready for him. It's a little nerving...but I have to step up to the plate.

As a side note....last week, I said a little prayer to the Universe/God hoping to get some encouragement in the working-out dept. (Anyone ever tell you to be careful what to wish for?) LMAO...kidding!

So, my neighbour has asked me to walk with her when we are both free. Check!

I also noticed at the gym, my other neighbour (we call this family our twin family...lol) and we've kind of ran into each other and she's planning on working-out at the gym at the same time as I usually do. Today, we worked out side by side and conversed. It was great to see a familiar face...so Check again!

While working-out, I had a chuckle and gave thanks. So I'll be going to the gym quite often now AND walking AND training with Tony. Hey, if I don't get fit now...I never will!!! LOL

Well...I'm sure that's enough for one day. Eh?!

Love and Light,

Kimmy

That 100 lb Club is Within Reach...

Good day!

Let's start from the top! Another pound gone! That's 36lbs now! It's peeling off, I keep reminding myself slow and steady wins the race! In addition to this, my clothes are getting really baggy. Which is good. I'm four pounds away from saying a final good-bye to the 200 club. I was thinking that I need a reward...like a big reward! I'm tossing the idea of a new work-out outfit from Lulu, because I'm floating in all my work-out gear right now. Besides, I need some pink! :> Also, I'm really looking into buying a new pair of UGGS. SOOOOO....getting into the 100 club is a big DEAL! It's a huge accomplishment. That will make me 40lbs lighter. So why not buy 40 pounds worth? Just kidding! I've decided that my reward is going to be: a new work-out outfit from Lululemon, a new gym bag (with some pink) and some UGG boots!

I've been consistently going to the gym in the morning, it's been a week and that's a record for me. It really feels satisfying! I've been inspired by season 5 winner of NBC's "The Biggest Loser" Ali. What can you say but; wow! Ali has lost a total of 112 lbs. She has absolutely no loose skin. I'm very impressed by that. Often you will see people who lose weight appear saggy and droopy. Some get plastic surgery to remove loose excess skin. Ali surely sets an example against this. Her secret? Is that nutritionist listening? WEIGHT TRAINING! :> She does quite a bit of cardio too. I have incorporated her secret to tight arms in my work-out regime. I highly recommend you google her and see her before and after photos. Absolutely inspiring to say the least! Go Ali!

The rower is what Ali feels is the secret to her hot arms! So, on my cardio days, I will be following Ali's advice and doing ten minutes of rowing holding on one way, and ten minutes the other. I also will continue to do Tracy's Anderson's DVD's. I like some alternatives to my training.

For those of you reading, who contemplate saying: "I just have no time to work-out" I can say to you; because I've been there. There are 168 hours in a week. That is ten thousand or so minutes. If you look at it that way; can you not fathom giving your body, mind and spirit 60 or so minutes a week?

Have a great day!
Kimmy

"Time is a ticking and my fat needs a burnin'!"

LMAO....that is a funny quote! Oprah! You can quote me on that one!

So I did it! Not without a few hitches. But, I managed to get to the gym at 9 am! Guess what? I didn't melt either! lol I managed to have a great conversation with my trainer, and get 40 minutes of cardio in. I even stopped at Shoppers on the way home.

It felt amazing! Yep! I got my work-out in. I've already drank 3 glasses of water. I'm well on my way to a great day! So 100 club; get ready because I'm joining!

I've been re-reading Bob Greene's "The Best Life Diet". So on that weight training topic (remember that nutritionist saying it was a waste of time), Bob feels that weight training is imperative to being successful at weight loss. It's important to build muscle as during weight loss, you will lose muscle. So it makes a perfect balance. Most importantly, muscle burns more fat...and builds up your metabolism. So you want to build muscle and weight training to tone and tighten. It's crucial! Equally as crucial is cardio. Cardio burns fat! No way around it, if you want to lose weight; ya gotta do cardio at least 5 times a week! Bob also recommends aiming for 8 glasses of water a day. That's reasonable and still in a healthy range. Anything more, and you automatically feel overwhelmed, which in turn makes you drink less water. I love Bob!

I also did the Tracy Anderson Method. Her dance cardio...was really difficult for me as I'm a very uncoordinated gal. My son attempted to video me for his new YouTube debut!!! Maybe funny to some, but to me...NOT. LOL "Tracy Anderson this is what uncoordinated rejects look trying to do your dance cardio work-out!"
But, I did work-up a sweat and my heart rate was definitely high. What I love about Tracy's method (besides the fact that she's got a beautiful body and glow!) is that her method makes so much sense. If you always do the treadmill, the bike or the elliptical for cardio for example, your body gets used to that. So, you are always using the same muscles over and over again. That builds bulk. Throwing in a change, really is good for overall balance and definition. Plus, it's a change and a great compliment to any fitness regimen.

I also did Tracy's matt work DVD. This one: I HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!! If you don't believe me, have you looked at Gwyneth Paltrow or Madonna lately? So the insight on this one is this: weight training is awesome for big muscle groups. But, there's also fine muscle ligaments that don't get worked-out during regular weight training. Tracy takes you through a series of moves that target those smaller muscles to give you a long, lean and defined look. To pull everything in. This can be done alone, or complimentary to your weight training regime. Although, I don't recommend doing both in the same day! OUCH!!!
I can attest that I did it last night (only maybe half), because it was TOUGH. This morning I woke-up feeling really tight in parts of my body...where I didn't even know I had muscles! LMAO
I plan on doing Tracy's cardio work-out once a week, for a nice change and her matt work at least twice a week.

So this is my new schedule:

• Monday: Weight Train (with my Personal Trainer) and Cardio
• Tuesday: Cardio (am) and Tracy A. Matt work
• Wednesday: Weight Train (with my PT) and Cardio
• Thursday: Cardio (am)
• Friday: Cardio (am) Tracy A. Matt work/ or yoga
• Saturday: Tracy A. Cardio
• Sunday: OFF

Looks busy! It's the only way to be successful.

How bad do you want it?

Have a great day!

Hugs!!!

Kimmy

Confessions of a Mother!

Busted!!!

Yep, moi! My usual morning routine consists of waking up at 7:15 am with Diodato, getting him off to school by 7:45am. Then Carmelo...and driving him by 8:50am. THEN: I go back to bed for an hour as Antonio usually sleeps until 10 am or I go creep Facebook! I am soooooo bad! On my defence, I usually need it after a morning with Carmelo...that or a glass of wine! LOL

Then after having a conversation with my trainer Lene, I realized many things. An hour! I whole hour of me time is spent sleeping or wasting time on Facebook. What a waste! I could be working-out...besides I DRIVE RIGHT BY THE GYM~ Shame on me!

So I made a decision (along with the kick in the a@@) from my trainer. Good job Lene, I sure need it! I love ya!
Tuesday, Thursday and Friday I am to report at the gym after dropping off Carmelo at school as my hubby is still home in the morning until 11am. Strictly cardio...and maybe a tan...and then a starbucks ;)...Kidding!
Suze Orman on Oprah totally got to me and I've reduced myself to one a week! Morevoer, my hubby will be waiting at home for me with a caffee latte just for me; made with lot's of love! lol

Decision made! Gym bag at the door ready! However, sometimes, things just don't go as planned. So Lene!!! I appologize for not being at the gym this morning! I went back to bed! BUT>>>> I think I have good reason. Last night, while bathing my boys, Antonio my 2 1/2 year old banged his head climbing out of the bath. He was unusually drowsy, and incoherent. His pupils were dilated and then he vomited. He suffered a mild concussion. We whisked him off to CHEO. We were there until 1 am, and got home at 1:30am. We woke him up every three hours. I also wanted to be here when he woke up this morning to ensure he was okay. Thankfully, he seems to have bounced back!

Don't fret though! I will do cardio today on my own!

Thursday am I will report to the gym!

Never a dull moment...but everything works out perfectly! In fact, it made me want to make more of an effort to go to the gym. Really! I'm a strange girl. But, I love it! I realize that it's time to get really serious about this weight loss/fitness situation. I mean...I think I can work-out at 9 am! How stupid! When athletes, and stars even Oprah work-out at 5 am! Come on! I'm a role model...my blog got 100 hits on Saturday! LOL!!!
So you've inspired me to be the best I can be; and that means NO SLEEPING! Well, the universe is listening; what I mean is no going back to bed on week-days after my two sons have gone to school.

Time is a ticking...and my fat needs a burning!

xox
Kimmy

A Reason For Weight Training!

Unbelievable! Here is an amazing fact about building muscle.

1 bl of muscle built burns 50-100 calories a day.

Thus, if you only build 1 lb of muscle this year, you could burn 10 lbs of fat!

Sometimes Everything Happens For a Reason!

News and Update!

1. I lost another pound...so 34 lbs down!
2. 1 more pound to go and I win the bet with my "incognito training partner"!
3. 5 lbs to go and I win the Lulu lemon bet!

"Everything happens for a reason.

Every action has a reaction.

Always remember that whats meant to be

will always find a way to come about.”

-Author Unknown

It's been five weeks since I began training with my new female trainer. Of those weeks, we've only successfully trained three times one week. Thursday nights is the unlucky night. In the past, I trained Friday's at 8pm. It was perfect, as I came home afterwards and didn't feel so rushed to put the kids to bed. With the new trainer unavailable Friday nights, Thursday's was the only option. We are normally scheduled to train at 8 pm Thursday night. However, it's a school night and having to leave when there's homework, and bedtime routine is stressful. Add in violin and guitar lessons and it adds for a turbulent night.

So when my trainer called and cancelled on Thursday I pondered reflectively. Why does this keep happening? Evidently, Thursday nights are not the optimum training time. Obviously, it's time for a change. That much I comprehended. But, upon further deliberation many things came to light. For one, my "incognito training partner" has expressed that come time for renewing our training sessions in four weeks time, she won't be renewing. So, I will be training on my own with the trainer. That means, the cost of my training sessions will go up (group training is much cheaper than private training). I figured out that I can reduce my training sessions to twice a week, and ask my trainer to fully concentrate on weight and core training during this time. I can work on my cardio on my own. I certainly don't need to pay someone to watch me sweat while I run or bike. Moreover, if I work-out once at home (with Tracy Anderson Method, or do Yoga/Pilates) plus dust off my elliptical and my treadmill and go to the gym on my own another time; that will be four or five days of working-out. It's a perfect solution and I'm saving money!

In sum, I came to the decision to quit training on Thursday's with my trainer. Not that I did anyhow. But, now I'm only scheduled to train twice a week, I will make more effort to either work-out at home, or go to the gym and do cardio! This will make my life, and my family life much easier!

So sometimes everything does happen for a reason...and it always works out in the end!

This WEEK!

First of all,

My deepest apologies for not updating this blog. My hubby was home sick for three days. My hubby needs to be entertained 24/7...so when he didn't want to chat with me, he was hogging the computer. But, I'll air on the bright side again; at least he's interested in me ;) and wants to spend time with me.

My dinner out on Sunday was pleasurable. We went out to eat at the 'Baccara' here at the casino. It was a nice outing with my hubby. You know what's really difficult? On Oprah, (ya I know...I watch WAY to much Oprah...but she's my hero...and I learn so much from that show!) tips on spending time with your spouse; when out on a date; do not talk about the kids. That is next to impossible!!!! Nonetheless, we had a great night. I had my chocolate fix ( my treat night). My hubby even heartily express how he enjoyed spending some quiet time together! I'm really grateful for him...

Today, I have a packed day. With my hubby being ill all my housework is backed-up. I love everything to be in order, everything is much smoother, and I'm happier.

I'm going to also work on the article I've been promising.

On my lifestyle change. Things are good. I'm eating well. Drinking my water. I'm working out. Still waiting for those Tracy method DVDs. My kids and I organized the basement on Saturday. I set myself up a gym. Would you believe I have a top of the line elliptical and treadmill down there; that was collecting dust? My basement is unfinished...but we fixed it up nicely. I also put up the TV so my kids can play wii and I can do my work-out DVDs hopefully in peace!
I know I had talked about not being able to work-out at home. But, some days...it's next to impossible to drag everyone out to go to the gym. It's just easier to stay home. On those days, I fully plan to work-out at home!

This week:

Monday:
1 hr training
45 minutes cardio
Tanning :)

Tuesday:
Nothing; does nursing a sick hubby count? no..:(

Wednesday:
1 hr training
35 minutes cardio

Thursday:
Ziltch :(
(My trainer cancelled...)

Friday:
30 minutes cardio (AT HOME!!!)

Saturday:
30 minutes cardio
Yoga/Pilates

New Weight!
Another pound gone...

34lbs down!!!!!!!


Have a blessed day!
Kimmy

So, it's been almost a week since 'tragedy' struck. I'm still in shock. I still feel lost. It may sound strange and weird to some, but you have to understand my point here.When you are over-weight and trying to lose weight, your trainer represents salvation. He is like a God. He is your source for information and strength. Together we were a successful team. 20lbs and 15 inches gone! We clicked and things worked! We were on a roll...but like a good thing taken away to soon: Now a member of the team, the leader is gone. For three months, we trained together three times a week. Even when we didn't have a scheduled training session and I went to the gym to do cardio, my trainer would come over and encourage me. I looked forward to his gracious seal of approval. I was on the right track with his leadership and guidance. Now...I'm on my own. I still have many training sessions left from my pre-paid package at the gym. So the fitness manager has asked me to choose another trainer. I can't bring myself to do it. I am on vacation. I left to go to my home town in Northern Ontario for a week. The timing is perfect. I need to refresh my batteries so to speak. It feels great to be here. When I think back to last week, I am saddened...but I'm slowly trying to re-boot myself for what I believe will be phase 2 of my weight loss journey!

Before I go to the gym...

I'm writing my blog an hour before I'm set to go to the gym.
It's important for me to write how I feel about going to the gym, especially on days like today. First of all, it's a very dreary day. It's raining outside. The clouds seem so low and thick. Just grey all over. Just one of those days. Moreover, just getting to the gym is a HUGE work-out in itself. Getting motivated to go. Tidying-up, getting the kids organized and then myself...is alot of work. Not only that, then it's rush home, make dinner, clean-up and the day is done.
As of right now, I don't feel like going. I am not looking forward to working-out. I dread having to possibly do legs, or hard core work. I am trying to focus on that exhilarated feeling afterward. I just wish it was over already. The weather and all is just making me feel 'blah'.
Nonetheless, I must go to the gym. It is absolutely necessary. Do I want to be fit and thin? Yes! Then I know what I must do. Coping out is not the way to a fitter, thinner me. There is no easy way, but the hard way.
So before I'm late and running on empty...I better go get organized!


After the gym;
I am now writing about my gym experience. After my work-out, I feel so great about going. Even though I'm tired. I feel amazing. The day outside is still rainy and cold. But, I feel sunny!
Sometimes, it is good to take a break...but most always keep it up. I worked extra hard today. I trained my back, and did lot's of ab core work. Afterwards, I did 40 minutes of cardio maintaining my heart rate in my fat burning zone.
I'm not kidding when I tell you it feels amazing! Your body needs the movement. Toxins are absolved during exercise. Stress levels are reduced. Endorphins are released. Your cells celebrate the change and rhythm. What is not to like about it?
(I'll just have to remind myself this tomorrow when I'm complaining again!)

Well I'm working at it still. I lost another lb. Changes I have noticed are still building up. I feel my core getting really strong just by the way I am carrying my body when I walk. Someone told me yesterday they really noticed the inches melting away on my body. That is so rewarding to hear. Especially after a hard day at the gym. Leg day! I so dislike leg day!!! My trainer tells me it is absolutely necessary to train your legs as they are the bigger muscles away from your heart. Therefore, training your legs burns more fat continuously. Plus, it's important for a balanced body. I'll take his word for it, and continue to do legs but not without groaning and complaining all the way through!
It's amazing the changes that are happening. My body is really working hard. Oh and a pair of pants that did not fit me eight weeks ago; they fit! I had a 6 inch gap in my tummy area, and yesterday I zipped them up! Yeah!
I also went and purchased a new pair of work-out pants in a LARGE! What a feeling to not have to purchase an XL!
I love the cute work-out gear they have. I still don't fit in a regular tee because of my chest. So I have to continue buying my tee's at the plus store. But, that is my goal. I'm going to fit in the regular tee's. My reward will be cute work-out wear!!!
In addition, my resting heart rate is 62. Which means that my fat burning zone is 130-140. Optimally, that's the heart rate zone I want to target for most of my cardio.
That means that when I have reached that target and keep it up; I am burning fat. I love this method because it really keeps me focused on burning fat on many levels.
For one, it keeps me on the treadmill or elliptical. Knowing I am burning fat makes me want to do more cardio. Also, it helps me envision fat burning. Which works wonders! Remember mind over matter! The mind is a powerful too, and that's been my weapon lately. In fact, personal trainers keep saying: "focus on the muscle you are training...it helps work the muscle more!" So the same is true for fat burning!
When I am doing cardio and I have reached my fat burning zone. I vision the fat peeling away from my body, being thrown in a fire and burning away to nothing!
After dinner, I enjoy going out for a brisk walk. It's funny but six months ago, I couldn't even build-up the energy to go to the gym, let alone a walk. Now, I'm finding myself doing both in the same day and CRAVING MORE PHYSICAL ACTIVITY! Believe me, when you start you won't want to stop. Your body will crave it and you'll want to do more. You will have the energy. I would say that it takes almost a month to get in this zone. Once you are in it, it's an astonishing awareness.


Weight Lost: 27.5lbs
Inches: 13"

Not much news to report. Evidently, I lost a pound. Not much considering I've been working hard and eating well. So I measure myself, and I lost another inch in a half. I don't understand this fat burning stuff, really. I'm losing ton's of inches but only down 26 lbs thus far. But, I'll take it. It's better than a gain.
So my trainer asked me to measure my resting heart rate. Apparently, I wasn't supposed to get out of bed before measuring it. I'm glad I read up on it. I measure my rate and this morning it was 103. Anything over 85 is really poor! So tomorrow, when I open my eyes, I will measure more accurately and no walking around before hand.
All this to get my fat burn zone, target heart rate. Otherwise, I'm not burning fat when I'm working out. Staying in that zone is crucial to my weight loss. To get this fat burning target we are going to use the "Karvonen Formula".
Seems easy enough. Then again, weight loss is made it to be so much more complicated than it should be.
." Every day you consume food, which gives you energy, and every day you expend some of this energy for basic body function, to digest food and for activity. Overall, the energy that you take in should be balanced with the energy you expend. This would result in a stable body weight. To lose weight you simply need to shift this equation so that you expend more energy then you consume. Whether the energy comes from fat or carbohydrate stores is not an issue. What is important is the amount of energy, or calories, you expend" (The fat burning zone. myfit.ca)
So when you are in the fat burning zone, you are working on expending those stored up calories. Sounds easy!

I will give it a try and focus on my fat burning zone when I'm doing cardio. Perhaps, I haven't reached my zone, or maybe I was overextending it into aerobic which uses a different energy source other than fat.
Weight loss is like a science!

Harder than Labour!
Doing core work can be harder than labour! That was my conclusion to my trainer after an intense work-out today. How else to describe today's "elite" up one notch or a thousand notches core training!
First of all, a little background. ( I don't like to keep reminding my trainer because it feels like I'm complaining, but seriously) I have had three c-sections, those muscles down there just don't work like he wants them too!
If that wasn't enough to debate my case, in 2003 I had an ectopic rupture and the surgeons performed emergency surgery on me. They went through my previous c-section incision. After which I developed a serious infection etc...so suffice to say those muscles have been dormant forever. Not to even think of all the damage that I have there.
So now back to reality. I am lying on the mat. My trainer wishes for me to put my legs up and crunch up with a medicine ball at the same time. Sounds so easy on paper. Try it! Okay, I'm up for it. After five, my muscles are in overtime angry mode! I can hear them screaming BURN! I keep pushing because apparently I still have 45 seconds to go! My whole body is sweating. I'm trying so much to look like I can do this. Meanwhile, I'm grunting like an old ox! I stop. "Come on 15 seconds to go! You can do it! Push Push!" Okay, legs back up. Damn, my body is failing me. The pain! I am trying to focus, breathe...think of a far-away place. Up! Burn! EFF! Okay, let's try thinking of me wearing a bikini! Yikes. I try to think of anything to take my mind off the torment. The muscles they keep dragging me back to the painful sensation. I keep pushing forth. Finally, I'm done. I did it! "Okay, we're going to do three more sets. I'll give you a 20 second rest." I can't do it. I know it. My whole core is in spasms. He reads my mind and says: "I'll hold up your legs for you. We'll work on that and build from there!"
Oh, dear! How uncomfortable is that?! Great! Picture this: I'm lying flat on my back, and here is a young, trainer holding up my legs so I can do crunches. I feel like such an ...idiot! My mind starts to wander in those 20 seconds. How did it get to this?
Why? I have no clue. It saddens me. Tears welt up in my eyes. I am humiliated and uncomfortable. But, I must keep going, surely something good will come of all of this. Surely. It's time to start-up again. I sure hope my legs aren't to heavy for him. I hope that I'm not too sweaty and smelly. First one up: My muscles are done! I'm already grunting and I'm sweating profusely. It feels like I'm repeatedly being stabbed in the stomach! I am no picture of beauty, let me tell you. Finally, the torture is complete. "Are you okay?" he inquires. "That is worse than labour!" That's all I can say. Two more sets to go. I hope I survive! All gracefulness is gone...
Like he knows! hahaha Poor guy! I feel so bad for him. Having to train me. He is a kind soul. Yet, I don't know if it's the eternal optimist in me or if I'm fooling myself. A small voice within pushes me to move on. Her name is Determination.
"Move forth, keep pushing, work through the pain. Ignore it. Breathe through it. Talk to your muscles. Make them push, work, build. Every cell in your body is rejoicing. They are doing what they are meant to do. Work! Pain is the burning of the toxins and the ripping of old patterns. You will get through this. Think back to your very first training session. Have things improved? (Immensely, I am much stronger and can do longer more intense work-outs). Then build on that. Stay positive. Even the most stricken 'broken' down bodies have re-abilitated themselves and been stronger than EVER!. Dream. Focus. See yourself with those six pack abs. Wearing that bikini and looking gorgeous! It can happen. But, it won't be easy. So keep your head high, keep crunching. You will see change. You will be stronger than EVER!"
I bow my head and I'm grateful for my trainer. He is an angel sent to help me and make my body stronger! God bless him!

Important feedback...

So the other day I sent my blog to someone to proof read it and this is what I got back in return:
(apparently I shouldn't be calling myself: fatty or fat)

"Since I started reading The Secret and a message from Kryon, I realized that my own thinking and visualizing me as fat, as made me worst. So now, I try to think, feel and see myself and what it would be like to be the shape I want and deserve. It's not easy to keep that picture and thoughts with what I'm going through, but I noticed that my body is starting to shape up. Plus, I'm talking to my cells. Apparently, as per Kryon, if you take charge and tell them what you want they will start to listen and follow directions. We gave them free rains all our lives. It will take time to get the control back but when I talk to them, as a whole, I can see them stop and listen, some try to sneak out and ignore me but I can also see it and tell them to pay attention. It's so funny and weird. You are giving me the incentive to work at it harder." Louise

In retrospective, I won't be calling myself "fatty" or 'fat' anymore during my work-out sessions. But, I've yet to come up with an alternative to motivate me. "Come on skinny minny...!!!!" Just doesn't cut-it. I will think about it. However, I do know that Louise is right. Mind over matter! The mind is a powerful tool and visualizing something actually can help manifest. So I will work on seeing myself thinner, and fit.
Nevertheless, I guess I had to much time to think last training session because today my trainer kicked butt and I HAD NO TIME TO BREATHE LET ALONE THINK! Damn...he must be reading my blog!
Tonight was tough, but I know nothing will come of it otherwise. He is only trying to help! Right?! But, I survived; barely. When I'm at the gym, I feel so old and out of shape. Seriously, I look at those young girls casually working out in their tight work-out clothes, and I think...ummm....that could be me?! I suck it up. I must. This is the road I chose, one step at a time one training session at a time. I do think that I will try to add one yoga class in there. Yoga is great for the mind/body/soul connection. Plus, it's great for toning your muscles, relieving stress and compliments my training sessions well. Just where to find the time?
Earlier I went to get my haircut and my stylist noticed something different about me; "ummm...something is changed, your energy, your face, a good change, ummm...did you lose some weight?" BINGO! It's starting to show! I do feel differently. I feel so good! The pain, the frustration, it's worth it!
I've worked really hard in the last few weeks, so I feel that I will reward myself with a pedicure/manicure. I'm looking forward to it...it's been a good four weeks of training!

Training

Yesterday, I went to work-out with my trainer. Seems he's turned up the heat a notch!Very tough! I'm so out of shape! So he takes us to the 'exercise room'. The thought of the room sends shivers down my spine.First we climb up the step 10 times on one side, 10 times on another. Seems easy, but my heart already is racing after the first side.Then, it's side to side 10 times. Right after; Rockclimbers!!!! "Let's get that heart rate up!" he says. (Damn does he know what I had to do before I even got here? Run around get the two year old organized for nap, tidy up from lunch, make three beds, then hubby decides to make a pasta sauce, run around ten minutes before I'm set to leave for the gym getting him all his ingredients and tools. Pick-up my six year old from the bus. Run in trying to pay attention as he recounts his day at school. Dig to find my gym clothes, grab my bag and attempt to run out the door. Only to hear: MOM....do you know... but I'm here...barely on time...sweating and heart pounding already!!!!)Okay...so Rockclimbers it is!This exercise that has you doing low lunges hanging on to the step! Twenty of those without missing a beat! When I'm done, my heart is beating out of my chest, I can't breathe and I'm soaking wet from sweating. I'm trying to catch my breath, focus and see straight. I hear: "Start over! Step up! Go!" (I'm thinking effen! I'm going to die here and you want me to do another set?) But I do it...because I have to! "I'm fat!" I think to myself! "come on fatty, show him you can do it" " I hate being fat!" as I feel all my fat jiggling as I struggle, I push forward one step, two; I try to breath in, breathe out. My face is flushed. Just when I think I'm going to pass out... I'm done! I take a drink of water and I want to crash! Now my heart is really going to pop out of my chest! It hurts!!!My trainer looks at me and says "are you alright?" I look at him, I can't speak....but my body language says "do I effen look alright to you?!" hahaha!!!I guess I do because we are now running side to side around the room. EFF!!! I am so out of shape. I want to kill at this point! Why did I come here? I see my reflection in the mirror and I want to burst out crying! This fat thing running around the room, is not ME!So another set it is...up down. Apparently it's the last one, and I can do it, stay strong, push push push...his voice is distant and I don't want to even hear him! Finally, I'm done! I'm so proud of myself. I have many many thoughts. I want to get in shape. I want to be fit. Suddenly I hear a voice from deep within;"getting in shape takes time, athletes do this EVERYDAY. They don't just wake up fit and 'in shape'. It takes hard work, dedication and perseverance. One day at a time, one day, one step. In a few weeks, this will be easy for you. You have to build up momentum, you cannot baby your body. Work, push and stay strong. It will pay off!"So I move forward to the weight training session, a breeze compared to that damn room! Afterwards, I gathered strength to do 30 minutes of cardio. I then treated myself to a tanning session. I left the gym today...feeling good about myself. I'm taking charge...and I can do it. Until Friday that is; and we open the door to that damn room!!!!