Choices

Each and everyone of us is responsible for the creation of our own lives. Our thoughts, our words, our actions or lack there of controls how our lives unfold. We are the masters of our destiny. The choice is ours as to how our stories unfold.

Every choice you make has a consequence. To every reaction there is a re-action. Even a thought is an energy and can trigger many different scenarios for the road ahead. The choice is ours for example, whether to be happy, positive, grateful, kind etc...or not in every moment we experience. In every breath we take, we have the choice to live in the moment, be aware or not. With every emotion we feel, we have choice to deal with or discard. With every event, encounter or daily moment, we have choices. With everything we experience, we have choice. From the moment you first wake-up in the morning until the last aware moment before drifting off to sleep, you are in control of the choices.

For me, a healthy lifestyle is no different to this law. My choices have gotten me to where I am today. My lack of proper choices have built up to my current situation. It wasn't by choosing one chocolate bar that I got to be this way. Rather it was by making a pile of improper choices that got me to this point. I chose to be this way. I chose to be unhealthy and overweight. I chose to be sad, depressed over action. I chose therefore my situation is the result of those choices, and nobody else is responsible but me.

In turn, if there is to be any change, it must come from my choices. I must choose healthy over unhealthy. I must choose to love myself rather than the high of the moment that an unhealthy choice makes. I must choose well, for every choice small or big has a consequence. I must choose to take better care of myself. I must choose well.

If something is not working in your life, or you are unhappy, perhaps it's time to change. What needs to change? What can you do to make that transformation happen?
The power to transform lies within each and everyone of us. By seeing that transformation and making choices towards that goal, we are one step closer towards the end result. The key to unleashing that journey is choice, everyday choices.
Choose well and see the transformation begin!

Back on the Wagon (Again!)

I've attached a photo taken of me and my son Carmelo on the week-end.
It was Carmelo's first communion/confirmation. Events like this (for those of you who are not or have never been overweight) are not a welcomed fun event. Let me explain. We certainly have to make the best of it, and enjoy the presence of the moment.

Shopping for an outfit is a nightmare! Unlike everyone in normal sizes, overweight people have one or two stores to choose from. Moreover, these stores only carry 'formal/ or semi-formal' attire for Christmas. I guess fat people only come out at Christmas time...I don't know?! So just getting something appropriate to wear is a huge challenge.

Now, try having had hernia surgery on top of that, and trying to find something that will be loose and fitting enough not to cause pain, or discomfort! Lucky for me, I got lucky!!

I still went through the usual speach to myself:
-why do I do this to myself
-I'm so out of control
-remember the day when I could just walk into any store and buy something I loved, and that looked amazing on me?

I realized that I did it again. I hate falling off the wagon, and having to climb back on! Anyhow, in the photo...I look good...but I'm hiding! I'm hiding behind my son...how pathetic! lol

So now, I'm starting back. These are a few of the changes I'm doing. Since I cannot even work-out or walk to my car and back. A few changes is better than nothing.

-My morning coffee will now have splenda in it (why I went back to sugar is beyond me. I know that I was in that; oh well...I'm eating like crap anyhow phase. Do not get caught up like this! Every calorie counts. Every positive choice you make counts!

-WATER. I'm making sure to get all my water in.

-Late night snacking. Gone! No more late night snacking!

-Healthier choices. Throughout the day.

It's time to take back the control.

I'm BAAAAAAAAACK!

Hello everyone!

I'm back! I've received many inquiries about my whereabouts. I appologize profoundly. So much to catch up on...so take a deep breath and I will try not to babble.

Firstly, I FINALLY have had my hernia surgery. My hernia became unbearable in the last month. My recovery has been tough too. I've had three c-sections, and an ectopic rupture....nothing like this! Last of my complaints; lying on your back, not being able to move and seeing your house get totalled is no fun! I'm beginning to think that I'm a control freak, and that everything does not always have to be perfect. Still, can someone please pick-up that sippy cup that's been on the floor for three days??

In the midst of all this, my father-in-law suffered a major heart attack. Had surgery and his recovery was long and rough. Plus, we had our son Carmelo's condition as well. My hubby who doesn't do well with any situation, is in complete breakdown mode.

Carmelo's surgery was due three days after mine. He was going to be kept over-night,or a few days at the hospital. After dragging myself to the hospital with Tony in order to be there for Carmelo, we waited in pre-op for five hours. Carmelo was a wreck! Surgery ended up being cancelled due to an emergency. The positive twist is that everything happens for a reason. I was in no shape to take care of Carmelo and I would of had to stay with him during his hospital stay. So come surgery day for him, I'll be ready to be his nurse/mommy!

So I haven't written in three months or so. I fell off the wagon. I fell off the wagon, rolled down the hill, and ran the other way! I became so angry and frustrated. Being in the groove of things, and then having to stop just when you are at that sweet spot 'sucks'. That's what Jillian Michaels said on The Biggest Loser this week, and she is totally right. It sucked!

So I had a huge AHA moment! (God, I love those!) This week on The Biggest Loser, Laura who had struggled from the beginning of the show finally hit her 'sweet' spot. She finally got to a place where she realized she could change her life for the better. She was losing weight and was at the 'sweet' spot as Jillian puts it.
Unfortunately, life took a twisted turn for her. She suffered a fracture in her hip and would be unable to work-out. This is a major set-back for anyone. She was voted off this week. Watching Laura be carried away by her team mates was heart breaking! Even Jillian cried saying this was one of the worst moments of Biggest Loser history.

How I can relate to Laura! To add more to the irony of it all, Laura and I were at the same weight when our set-backs occured. Only thing is, Laura was able to maintain her weight. I on the other hand....failed my test!

I'm not going to go down the road of being hard on myself. I know I'm a great person ( :>), and I also know that life is too short for being angry all day long.
There is more to being beautiful than wearing a size 2! Beauty is a reflection of your inner self. It's the sparkle in your smile and the kindness of your heart. The secret is to take better care of yourself so that you don't have a grey cloud hanging over your brilliant energy to mask it all up.

A dear friend of mine was fatally killed on the week-end. She was truly an earth angel. She changed so many lives, simply by being present with love. What a gift! Cheers to you Liane!

Life is short. Take the lesson and turn the page.
That's okay! I am here now! I'm back. Although, as things stand...I don't know if I'll ever be able to do an ab crunch again!!!!!!! I miss going to the gym terribly. I miss eating right and feeling good about myself.

Today is a new day! I can now get off the couch and walk. The sun is shining. Spring has sprung...and my road to recovery is here!

Kimmy is back!
xox

Back on the Wagon...

Well, I've climbed back on the wagon; partially.

I find it really hard not being able to work-out. (Remember my hernia...).
I have started drinking all my water, and eating better again. I already feel better. Just something about making the proper choices, eating better, taking your vitamins etc...that just makes you feel better. Maybe it's a no-guilt thing. Who knows. All I know is that my body feels lighter.

Have any of you been following Oprah's Best Life Week? If not; I HIGHLY recommend it! I haven't watched the webcasts' yet...as I have some company so I'd like to sit down by myself and watch it uninterrupted. Good thing is if you go to Oprah.com you can download it all there. Plus, it's free! Hey, it can't hurt right?

So what is the hardest for me right now? Trying to get myself out of this partial depression....time to stop 'feeling' sorry for things that I have no control of. My little guy had surgery, and he's just fine! Recovering...and almost back to normal! Thankfully!

I had a HUGE 'aha' moment at the hospital while waiting for Antonio to come out of surgery. Here I was standing with my hubby in the hallway, as my hubby and I waited and waited. An hour, two hours seemed like a year. My husband started to get on my nerves. Just his breathing was annoying me!

All of a sudden an old boss of mine came around the corner. Not to go into much detail of her life...but enough for you to understand the 'aha' moment. Here stood before me a very stressed woman, who's husband left her many years ago and who was left alone to take care of her developmental challenged son. Her son was having surgery too; and she had to go through it all alone. Shame on me! Thanks Universe for the wack on the head. I heard you loud and clear!

I am very fortunate. My hubby and I were going through some strong emotions waiting there, and it was very natural for us to take it out on each other. Thankfully, I got a friendly reminder from the universe that I was a blessed woman, and I should be counting my lucky stars!

In addition, it was such a turn of emotions to give her a hug, and help support her as she waited alone for her son to come out of surgery! As she talked about her recent ordeal, I could see her energy lifting and her mood change from stress to relief. There is never not a time...not to be needed in this world!

So we got through it! Antonio is recovering at home, and I can say that he is a trooper!

A few more hurdles to go...and possibly I can get back to working-out!

So that's it for my update! I have posted a new article today on my website....it might be of interest!

Loving Yourself

Loving yourself

"The greatest secret to living a happy and fulfilled life is realizing that everything is created in our minds before it manifests itself in the outer world. We must believe before we can see."
Sarah Ban Breatnach
From Hold that Thought by Sarah Ban Breathnach (Warner Books)

I have learned an important lesson. It is easier to neglect our bodies. It is simpler to forget ourselves. It is important to love your body and cherish it. It is equally as important to accept ourselves the way we are. There will always be room for improvement. We are meant to be beautiful. We are meant to be unique. We are meant to be happy. Our bodies are meant for us. It is after all your vehicle on earth that you will have with you for the rest of your life. No matter what it goes through, you cannot trade it in. It's yours, so that is why it's important to treat it with respect. Our bodies are sacred and needs to be treated as so. Honour that body, for it has carried you where you are today. We must never forget to honour us. In addition, by recognizing ourselves and our body as a we are equally honouring our spirit within.



Take care of yourself.

How can you accomplish all the things you were meant to with a weakened, neglected body? How can your soul manage with a vehicle that is not running at it's full capacity. How can we allow ourselves to be overcome with stress? How can we be who we were meant to be? Most importantly, how can we expect our vehicle body to keep running on almost empty?

How can you care for others if you are ignoring the body that enables you to take care of others? How can you not fuel the soul that enables another soul to flourish. How can you teach love, respect and honour...by ignoring yourself, not loving yourself, and not honouring and respecting the vehicle that gets you were you need to go. How can that be? A teacher must practice and master before he/she can become the teacher. By neglecting and forgetting yourself you are allowing stress, negativity to enter your body which in turn leads to obesity and disease. There are steps that can be taken daily to keep your body running at it's full capacity. A little time in a day can add years to your life. A little time for you can keep you healthy, happy and hearty. It wil require one major sacrifice, taking care of yourself means you need to love yourself first.

Meditation and learning to breathe properly

It can take as little as one minutes a day to acknowledge yourself and connect mind, body and soul. Those sixty seconds can leave you feeling focused, energized, positive and connected.

Just the word BREATHE and BREATH makes me feel calmer.

Take that 1 minute...one hour whatever it takes to connect with your spiritual self, your one. Take the time to breath deep within. That moment you are one with yourself can really be the difference between making it through the day and not. We are not saying that just with meditation alone you will be saved and become Super Woman. Never. What we are saying is that by taking the time to breath, focusing on the inner you....you are saying, I am taking the time for me...me first...I am important...when I am ready I can properly and effectively care for those who need me. I can positively give them myself without myself feeling neglected. It opens the channels for more energy. It lighten's the load for less stress, and a more willing capacity to deal with life. It's a oneness...it's a circle of Love easily attainable by a quiet, still moment with you and your spirit.

We all need to connect to ourselves in order to visiualize why we really are here. How can you effectively go about your daily duty if you don't take the time...to connect and visualize your oneness, your spiritual connection. It can take a moment...a breathe...or it can take an hour...whatever you give to yourself...you will have more to share with others. You will resonate peace, you will resonate happiness, you will resonate positive energy. Take the time just to breathe. To focus in on you.
We are so busy that we don't breathe properly. We live in a busy, stressed world. Our society always seems rushed and running. Our breaths are held tightly in our lungs like a rock stuck in a pit. We don't take that vital oxygen to our organs and our cells that need it so desperately. Like vitality is essential to our well-being, deep breathing is essential to our entire being.

Here is a simple exercise you can do daily or weekly...whatever the choice... try and see if a pattern of positiveness' emerges.
I guarantee it will not disappoint.
Take three deep breaths....feel yourself...feel your energy...now release the tension....breath...with each breath...the tension is released...with each exhalation
visualize the negative energy that is blocked within...being released. With each inhalation visualize the positve energy from the universe being let in...let it permeate your body...let it feed every cell in your body....breathe....breathe...breathe...you are one...you are great....your are....you are....you are.....breathe breathe breathe....
Now stay still in this connection for as long as you see fit....continue to breathe....deep breaths from within. Feel the breaths...feel the oxygen entering your body...energyzing every cell in your body....breathe....breathe....breathe....

If you wish, you may even add a visualization exercise. Visualize your goals for the day being accomplished. Focus on your healthy body. Picture yourself drinking all your water. What are your goals for the day, for the week, for the future? This meditation visualization can be quite a powerfull tool in helping you reach your goals in life.

If you cannot find the time in the day. Another simple exercise is to take a few minutes before getting out of bed in the morning. Spend that time alone with you. Breathe and focus on you. Learn to enjoy yourself again. Remember how to love you again! Bless your body. Count your blessings. Take the time to be gratiful for even the new day, and the chance to begin again.
The time it takes you to breathe, visiualize and focus is the time it would take to build up negative energy. Start your day in a positive tone. Give to yourself first thing in the morning. Welcome yourself back to your existence. We need to unprogramme the circle of negativity around ourselves....starting with us. You are the rock and the rock can control her environment so that it helps those that come around her. Those that need you. Energy , positive energy equals vitality, well-being, balances, grounding...there is nothing negative in positive.
You have the choice...you have the power take the one minute for yourself...and have the most usefull powerfull hours. You have the power. We all control our destiny and how we want to live. The power lies with you. Make the positive change for yourself and see the positive consequences that emerge. One thing is for sure. You won't regret it because no negative will come from a positive. You owe it to yourself try if it doesn't work go back to your old way of existing.



Taking the time to take a breather in your day has a lot to do with weight loss. It is a connection with yourself, where you can reflect on your goals. Take the time to focus. Re-energize your drive. Not to mention the fact that giving your body extra oxygen and learning to breathe properly gives your entire self a new sense of revitalization. Take the time to be one with you. Take a moment to let your spirit guide you to your goals. Listen to your body. In a sense, you are breathing new life into your self every time you take a step away from life and breathe deep within.

I remember the first meditation I ever did. Althought the meditation only lasted maybe 5 minutes I remember feeling a rush of energy. I felt as though weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt entirely focused. I felt in sync with my entire self. The breaths flowed freely from my lungs to my entire body. There was just something that made me feel glorious. I have been a firm believer in deep breathing relaxation ever since.

As a woman, it is not easy to put yourself first. We are naturally and inately in tuned to put everyone ahead of us. We are caretakers by nature. It is crucial to our survival to change this programming around. It is imperative for us to remember that in order for us to properly care for others...we must take care of ourselves first and foremost. We hear this again and again. Yet, do we really listen? How can the house be solid if the foundation was built without care and precision.
This programming needs to be undone. We must. If you cannot do it for yourself, than think of those around you. They will benefit from a happy "person" who is solid, well-balanced and grounded. The positive outweights the negative, the benefits are limitless.

Take the time for you

It's so important to also take the time to do something that is important to you. What is your passion? What helps your spirit soar?
By gving yourself this time, you are loving yourself. You need to make this time for yourself. Read, knit, bake, run, anything that strikes your fancy. What is your passion? It's imperative that you don't lose yourself while going through life. This happens so often and the result is bitterness, stress, and disease. This is especially true of us mothers. We have so much for everyone else, that there is little left for us. Most often women feel resentful and bitterness towards life. We turn to food as comfort. How many times have we heard mothers express themselves to be a different person than what they used to be. How many mothers have lost themselves in life? The choice lies within ourselves. We have the power. We have the freedom to discover our burning desires, our wants and our dislikes. We all have the choice to discover our own unique passions.
During my journey I discovered a passion that lived deep within. I had a passion to write. I love writting. Ever since I was a young child I always loved writting and composing. In school, my favourite subject was always English composition. Deep down I always new that I would one day become a writer. I discovered my passion while giving myself time in a day. By giving back to my spirit, I re-discovered a deep passion that was burning within. It brings me joy, happiness and such peace every time I sit down with a pen and write. By following my passion, I am committing to me. I am believing in myself. I am loving myself. I am following my purpose. It brings me a sense of who I am and want I want from life. It keeps me focused. I am less likely to turn to food now in order to fill that void I always felt. I feel fulfilled already. I want more to be healthy and feel good. It makes me want to live my life at my fullest potential physically, emotionally and spiritually.
It doesn't take hours to give yourself some breathing space either. There are so many unique ways to give yourself time, special to you. Enroll in a nighttime yoga class, go out for coffee with a long time friend, plan something and write it down on your calendar. Enroll in that class you always wanted to take, go for that degree! What are you waiting for? Your body, mind and spirit is craving that balance. The balance between yourself and everyone else.
I don't know how many work out tapes I have purchased promising myself that I would stick to a routine. Things always got in the way of me doing it. The phone would ring. Someone would pop in for a visit. This needed to be cleaned ect...Then I got wise, I signed myself up for a yoga class. It was expensive but well worth it. I was forced to go. I loved it! My kids reaped the benefit of happy mom who is grounded and balanced. Not only that, it led to other things, I enrolled in a gym, I started doing pilates and I started eating better. It was a circle of positive well being. Finally, there was a balance. I felt better, I looked better and I certainly was better at handling lifes daily rituals. I became a completely different person. I got to know myself. My likes, my dislikes, my wants and my needs. I rediscovered my passions. I became so joyous and happy. I wanted to be happier. I somehow had more energy. I wanted to be healthier. It became a chain reaction. I couldn't control it, because it was so contagiously uplifting. I just wanted more and more.
You have to work with yourself. Give to yourself. Take the time for a warm bath at night. Book that appointment for a manicure. Whatever. Take that time to love your body. Give back to yourself, you will reap the rewards.
The positiveness chain created from your "time to yourself" will be contagious. You won't be able to keep yourself from sharing your great feeling, your groundingness, your peacefulness. Life will be smoother and more balanced. It's an energy that cannot be eaten or drank. It's a given. We promise. Take the time to re-energize yourself. Remember you are the one that holds the mold together, if you can't keep yourself together...how can you keep others? We cannot emphasize this enough. It is imperative in order to lead a balanced, well-maintained, happy life that you keep yourself first and foremost happy and at peace. Loving yourself is crucial to your existence, loving yourself allows you to be healthy, balanced and grounded.

Cheers To 2009!

Everyday is a gift. The present is a gift to us all. It is imperative to live each day to the fullest. Appreciate the little things, as they are what matter most. The birds, the sunshine, the laughter of children, the company of genuine people etc...However, life gets the best of us. We get busy. We get stressed. Next thing you know we get caught up in a vicious circle of irrelevance.

I know for sure when you take time to appreciate the little things, you will realize that they are actually the most relevant. What matters most is not something you can package, wear or tote. What matters most is within and the power to unleash that. That is the gift.

The mysterious has been once said to be right before you. Nothing need be complicated as we complicate things for ourselves. Simply taking deep breaths, we can bring so much into perspective. Rising above challenges. Being the light when you are surrounded by darkness. Overcoming negative influences. Ignoring the ignorant etc...that is a power. It is not always an easy task, but that is the lesson and the goal.

My goal for 2009, is to bring all into perspective. To focus on the everyday gifts that surround me. Be the example. Live my best life now, not tomorrow or next year. This is the year! I have decided that 'thrashing' is no longer an option. Instead "trash" what no longer works, or is not in my best interest or that of my family.

Cleaning house starts from the inside out NOT vice verse. If things are stagnant in my life, it's because changes need to be made. Clearing the cobwebs and the dead weight already is helping me feel lighter. Setting my spiritual filter on high means more space for me and what matters most. Having less space in my life for the irrelevant transforms into more space and time for the things that are important. The circle than affects my immediate family, my good friends etc...

The strongest link for my happiness is myself. Everyday is a gift. I choose to live the gift everyday under my terms. That is the key for a new healthier me for 2009.

Letter to Oprah Winfrey

Dear Oprah,

I know exactly where you are coming from! I cannot express to you enough how much of a breath of fresh air your article has been for me.

In 2003, I reached my goal weight and lost a total of 100 lbs. I thought the weight was gone for good. I was originally inspired by Bob Green and one of your weight loss episodes. I was contacted by one of your researchers to maybe appear on your show. It never happened. But, just the calls and emails was success enough for me! I too thought I was out of the woods with this fat problem!

My weight gain (again) is a long story...but I gained 80 lbs of the 100. Oprah, gaining the weight back was so depressing. I was so angry at myself. I could hear the murmurs and feel the glances. I couldn't believe I did it again! How could I? What was I thinking? I should of stopped when I had gained 10lbs back. How did it get so out of control again? Getting into that 200 lb club AGAIN was the lowest of lows! I will never forget that moment. The moment I realized: I was fat again.

This spring I decided to get back on the wagon. I started working-out, weight training and doing yoga. I felt so alive again. To date, I had lost 35 lbs. I was on a roll! I immersed myself and my family in a healthier lifestyle. This time, I was going to conquer the battle of the bulge. I even started blogging about it, and created a website to help inspire others too. I also worked on finishing that book I had started writing so many moons ago during my first weight loss journey. I felt that this time the book would be completed, and I would reach that goal. This time I would focus on maintaining.

Unfortunately, after missing the gym for a few days due to some abnormal cramping, I received the news that I had an incisional hernia created by my 3rd c-section. No work-out allowed. Nothing. Nada. Not even yoga! I felt like I had gotten the rug pulled out from under me. Surgery would be required, but not until February 2009. What was I going to do now? I was destined to be fat forever!

Then, my 2 year old was diagnosed with undescended testicles. He is awaiting surgery as soon as the holidays pass. In addition, my 7 year old was also diagnosed with another tesiticular issue. We are awaiting his battery of tests to see what procedure will be taken for him. Next my beloved cat of 14 years passed away. Everything came all at once. Our entire family was overwhelmed with grief, sadness and frustration to say the least. All of this threw me for an emotional tail spin.

I couldn't work-out and my plate was overloaded with emotional upheaval. I turned to food. I have gained 5 lbs back of the 35 lbs I had lost. So now I have to lose 50lbs. I was so close to being in the 100 lb club! I feel like such a failure because I've left all my blog readers in limbo. I seriously thought I was back on track. Then I realized perhaps: I had fooled myself.

How could I be an inspiration myself; if I fell off the wagon AGAIN!? Who was I to preach to others about lifestyle changes etc...if I couldn't even follow them myself? I have been in this downward limbo for about a month. It's not good. I don't want to gain all the weight back. At the same time, I feel awful!

Your article inspired me Oprah! I understand the journey completely! When you said: "authentic change doesn't come easy, but with self-awareness, mindfulness, and guts, it actually does come." You hit the nail on the head! It's time for all of us to live life, the ups and the downs. It's time to focus on the whole; with us included. Change is never easy, change is a journey and perhaps gaining back the weight was our journey. Now it's time to journey to a healthier 2009.

I look forward to your return in January. I'm climbing back on that wagon with you! This time, I'm strapping myself in forever!

2009 will be a year of positive change! Cheers to us!