....Starting over (again)
"We have just moved into a new home. Another dream home but this time that we build ourselves. The entire process was a wonder that I could never have dreamed in my wildest imagination. We did it on a whim. Everything fell into place perfectly. After we are all settled in and all is to our liking. I realize that I must now get back a hold of myself. It is now time for me to start taking care of myself. This new home evicted a new sense of certainty in my relationships. I feel so blessed, yet something is missing. It is my weight. At that moment, I guess the universe felt I needed a brutal reminder. We are attending a royal Italian wedding. I am unable to find anything that will fit me and perfect for the occasion. My sister volunteered to sew me a custom fitted dress. So a few days before the wedding, I go for my final fitting with my shoes and girdle. I can't believe I'm even back to attempting to squeeze myself up like a sausage. Anyhow, when I spot my dress hanging, I nearly faint. It was a huge tent. There is no other way to describe the sheet that is hanging waiting for me to try on. I think: "well, I'm sure it will be to big and she'll have to take it in." Why do I do this to myself? I slip the dress on and it's a perfect fit. I cannot believe that the tent I saw hanging actually fits me. Unbelievable. I never saw myself as being so humongous! Does this remind you of something? I think I had the same 'aha' moment in 2002, and with a dress again! I burst into tears! I'm back to this. It is true what they say: "the universe keeps repeating the lesson until it is learned'. To add insult to injury. The dress colour is almost identical to the 2002 tent. It is such a disgrace. I am so angry at myself for gaining the weight back. All those feelings, I brushed aside with food. It is time to work again. I have so many mixed emotions. How could I find myself in this predicament AGAIN. Why? Why did I do this to myself. I thought I had over come the infamous battle of the bulge. I am humiliated. All my "thin" clothes is packed away. I am now a size 18-20. This dress is a size 24. I failed at this weight loss thing.
Once again it all came to the surface when Oprah had another weight loss success story show. Wow, how I dream of being on The Oprah Show and sharing my success. Then I wonder how humiliated I would have been if they had called; "hey Kim it's The Oprah Winfrey show...how's the weight thing holding up?" Sorry, I fell off the wagon. I am so ashamed." Deep down, I know it is possible to lose weight. I did it. I can do it again. Inside like a raging fire that would be put out, I want to share with people that it is possible. I did it once I think, I can do it again. I tell myself: This time, when The Oprah Winfrey Show calls...I will be a permanent weight loss success story! So slowly I'm gathering strength and climbing back on the wagon! I can feel with all my being the change coming because I feel restless. I decide to book a consultation with a spiritual 'life coach'. I had some many times had the urge to meet this woman, one day I decided today is the day! Well, who would of ever thought!
I love the Universe! I really do. The Universe is magical and wondrous to me. I LOVE "aha" moments and syn chronic events! Everything about the magic and wonder of the circle is phenomenally mind blowing!
With this being said, it is no surprise that the one person who would get me out of the trashes of my own hole, get me back on track with everything....shared the same name as the woman who I felt put me there! AMAZING! This spiritual 'life coach' gave me the kick I needed...to start back again! With those words: "what are you waiting for?" Exactly what am I waiting for to live this best life? There is no time like the now. The present is a present and all those cliches!"
So here I am! I have 80lbs to lose...(in other words...but it's depressing to think...I have gained 80lbs of the 100lbs I had lost...but being always the eternal optimist; I did once, twice before...I can do it again. This time it will be permanent!
"
"We have just moved into a new home. Another dream home but this time that we build ourselves. The entire process was a wonder that I could never have dreamed in my wildest imagination. We did it on a whim. Everything fell into place perfectly. After we are all settled in and all is to our liking. I realize that I must now get back a hold of myself. It is now time for me to start taking care of myself. This new home evicted a new sense of certainty in my relationships. I feel so blessed, yet something is missing. It is my weight. At that moment, I guess the universe felt I needed a brutal reminder. We are attending a royal Italian wedding. I am unable to find anything that will fit me and perfect for the occasion. My sister volunteered to sew me a custom fitted dress. So a few days before the wedding, I go for my final fitting with my shoes and girdle. I can't believe I'm even back to attempting to squeeze myself up like a sausage. Anyhow, when I spot my dress hanging, I nearly faint. It was a huge tent. There is no other way to describe the sheet that is hanging waiting for me to try on. I think: "well, I'm sure it will be to big and she'll have to take it in." Why do I do this to myself? I slip the dress on and it's a perfect fit. I cannot believe that the tent I saw hanging actually fits me. Unbelievable. I never saw myself as being so humongous! Does this remind you of something? I think I had the same 'aha' moment in 2002, and with a dress again! I burst into tears! I'm back to this. It is true what they say: "the universe keeps repeating the lesson until it is learned'. To add insult to injury. The dress colour is almost identical to the 2002 tent. It is such a disgrace. I am so angry at myself for gaining the weight back. All those feelings, I brushed aside with food. It is time to work again. I have so many mixed emotions. How could I find myself in this predicament AGAIN. Why? Why did I do this to myself. I thought I had over come the infamous battle of the bulge. I am humiliated. All my "thin" clothes is packed away. I am now a size 18-20. This dress is a size 24. I failed at this weight loss thing.
Once again it all came to the surface when Oprah had another weight loss success story show. Wow, how I dream of being on The Oprah Show and sharing my success. Then I wonder how humiliated I would have been if they had called; "hey Kim it's The Oprah Winfrey show...how's the weight thing holding up?" Sorry, I fell off the wagon. I am so ashamed." Deep down, I know it is possible to lose weight. I did it. I can do it again. Inside like a raging fire that would be put out, I want to share with people that it is possible. I did it once I think, I can do it again. I tell myself: This time, when The Oprah Winfrey Show calls...I will be a permanent weight loss success story! So slowly I'm gathering strength and climbing back on the wagon! I can feel with all my being the change coming because I feel restless. I decide to book a consultation with a spiritual 'life coach'. I had some many times had the urge to meet this woman, one day I decided today is the day! Well, who would of ever thought!
I love the Universe! I really do. The Universe is magical and wondrous to me. I LOVE "aha" moments and syn chronic events! Everything about the magic and wonder of the circle is phenomenally mind blowing!
With this being said, it is no surprise that the one person who would get me out of the trashes of my own hole, get me back on track with everything....shared the same name as the woman who I felt put me there! AMAZING! This spiritual 'life coach' gave me the kick I needed...to start back again! With those words: "what are you waiting for?" Exactly what am I waiting for to live this best life? There is no time like the now. The present is a present and all those cliches!"
So here I am! I have 80lbs to lose...(in other words...but it's depressing to think...I have gained 80lbs of the 100lbs I had lost...but being always the eternal optimist; I did once, twice before...I can do it again. This time it will be permanent!
"
